4th November 2006

1. Why has Coronation Street’s Rita had to stay in

2. Where has Ian booked for his marriage to Jane?

3. Who was driving the joy-riding car that crashed in

4. Who has a busted ankle in the Bush in Home and

5. Why was Coronation Street’s Tracy sure about
Maria’s affair with Charlie?


1. She has developed deep vein thrombosis. Anything
for a break from Norris.

2. Wellbeck Grange – “the swankiest hotel this side o’
Romford.” Is that saying much?

3. Amy’s dreadful hair extensions taking over the
front seat can’t have helped.

4. Kit. Great. Maybe they’ll leave her there.

5. Maria knew where his tattoo was. Oh, please,
please, let’s see it.

21st October 2006

1. What did Coronation Street’s Kirk want to bid for
on Roy’s computer?

2. In what band did both Patrick and Cedric once play
in EastEnders?

3. Who was the “ghost” that Emmerdale’s Victoria saw
at Wylie Farm?

4. How much older is Hollyoaks’ Becca than ex-lover

5. Where is Kevin’s father working in Coronation


1. A scooter for Fiz. Let’s hope it’s the kind without
an engine.

2. The Five Hectors. Oh, no. There are three more?

3. Emily, who wouldn’t say boo to a ghost, let alone
be seen dead in the costume.

4. Seven years. Yeah, right. And the rest.

5. Still in Germany. And still eating the sausages, by
the look of it.

14th October 2006

1. What language has Norris been learning in
Coronation Street?

2. What song did Peggy sing at EastEnders’ karaoke
night in the Vic?

3. What champagne was Matthew swigging at Rosemary’s
ball in Emmerdale?

4. In which restaurant did Hollyoaks’ Becca and Justin
find themselves next to Jake and Carmel?

5. Who won Funniest Performance at the Inside Soap


1. Hungarian – in which he is marginally more
comprehensible than he is in English.

2. My Way. Let’s face it: there is no other where
she’s concerned.

3. Laurent Perrier. Major product placement.

4. Il Gnosh, of course. The only restaurant within 300
miles, it seems.

5. Coronation Street’s Anthony Cotton (Sean). Well

7th October 2006

1. To where are Coronation Street’s Craig and Rosie
planning to run away?

2. Who did Ian throw out of the café this week?

3. What book did Daz buy Jasmine as a going away

4. What big secret is Home and Away’s Kitty keeping
under wraps?

5. What present did EastEnders’ Jack buy for Petal?


1. Berlin. Yeah, right. Because their German is
really, really good.

2. Peggy – and banned all Mitchells. You need all the
custom you can get, mate.

3. Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. Jasmine’s certainly
proved it.

4. That Amanda has a daughter. Oh, no: not more Vale

5. A dolls’ house – and a darn sight better it is than
any house in Albert Square.

23rd September 2006

1. Who has just celebrated his 16th birthday in
Coronation Street?

2. What have Billy and Honey decided to call their

3. Ex-EastEnders’ star Kacey Ainsworth has signed up
to which TV spin-off?

4. Which Hollyoaks star has just gained 10 A grades in
her GCSEs?

5. Which ex Corrie star is to star as a saucy sex
therapist in ITV1’s Strictly Confidential?


1. Craig. Now he’ll be able to . . . Oh, no: already

2. Petal. Heck, that’s even worse than their original
choice, Janet.

3. Holby Blue. Just what we need – another hospital

4. Emma Rigby (who plays Hannah Ashworth). Let’s hope
she passes some studying tips on to the show’s

5. Suranne Jones. Beats screaming at Steve 24/7.

16th September 2006

1. For how much did Adam sell his share of Underworld
in Coronation Street?

2. What present did EastEnders’ Peggy buy Billy and

3. Which ex-Brookside star has appeared in this year’s

4. Which ex-Big Brother “star” is allegedly touting
for a role in EastEnders?

5. What birthday did Coronation Street’s Sean
celebrate this week?


1. £80,000. I’d have paid double just to get rid of
his stupid haircut.

2. A microwave. Anything’s better than a new set of
hair clips.

3. Raymond Quinn (18!), who played Anthony Murray.
Blimey. Doesn’t time fly.

4. Jade Goody. Now that would reintroduce some much
needed comedy.

5. His 30th. And still he’s the least sexually active
homosexual on the planet.

9th September 2006


1. What did EastEnders’ Phil have on under his kilt on
Honey and Billy’s wedding day?

2. Where did Emmerdale’s Sadie and Cain have sex on
Sunday night?

3. How did Home and Away’s Dom try to kill Ric?

4. In which musical is Coronation Street’s Richard
Fleeshman (Craig) to make his West End debut?

5. What is EastEnders’ Honey’s real name?


1. Y-fronts. Alas, we never got to see them.

2. The Woolpack toilets. On the day of rest? Shame on

3. By electrocuting him. Change jobs, mate!

4. Over Here! Talented boy. Good luck.

5. Susan. And she thinks Honey is an improvement?

19th August 2006
1. What song did Coronation Street’s Bethany sing prior to Sarah’s non-wedding?

2. What did EastEnders’ Ben buy with the money Phil gave him?

3. How much did the Dingles have to post for Cain’s bail?

4. Why was Home and Away’s VJ rushed to hospital?

5. Who does EastEnders’ SJ claim Sid is?

1. A Whole New World. It was for all of them when Sarah was jilted at the altar.

2. A telescope. Bet it doesn’t get to spy on half as much as Peggy.

3. £10,000. From where, pray, did the family get that sort of cash?

4. Alcohol poisoning. It makes a change from ODing on juice, like everyone else.

5. Her brother. Sickeningly close relationship if he is.

12th August 2006

1. How much is Sarah and Jason’s new flat in
Coronation Street?

2. What name did EastEnders’ Max suggest for Tanya’s

3. Where did Emmerdale’s Cain and Debbie go to discuss
her termination?

4. What sport is Home and Away’s Cassie taking up?

5. To where did Coronation Street’s Fred suggest
moving with Bev?


1. £350. Think downwards of a matchbox.

2. Booty. How he produced a son who works in the City
is a mystery.

3. The cricket pavilion, of course. Still not a game
in sight.

4. Boxing. Tasha makes me feel like I want to do the

5. The Lake District. And it’s always been such a
quiet place.

5th August 2006


1. Where is Coronation Street’s Fred thinking of

2. With what did EastEnders’ Denise attack Owen in

3. Who has inherited Noreen’s money in Emmerdale?

4. What turned out to be Dom’s big sexual secret in

5. In which famous comedy show does EastEnders’ Lee
Ross (Owen) appear?


1. The Lake District. Oh dear. And it was such a
tranquil place.

2. A fork. Ooh, scary.

3. Val. Let’s hope it doesn’t come with the wig.

4. His virginity. You don’t get many of those to the
pound in Hollyoaks.

5. The Catherine Tate Show. He’s brilliant.

29th July 2006

1. What TV people show has Coronation Street’s Les
been watching?

2. Where did EastEnders’ Ruby suggest holidaying with

3. Who does Emmerdale’s Tash want to give her away at
her wedding?

4. Who did Hollyoaks’ newcomer Devon Anderson used to
play in EastEnders?

5. What is Coronation Street’s Maria’s nickname for


1. The Jeremy Kyle Show. The surprise is that he isn’t
on it.

2. Magalouf. Coals to Newcastle.

3. Simon. Not half quickly enough, in my book.

4. Billy Jackson. He was the normal one. Well, almost.

5. Jason Dimshaw. Understatement of the year.

22nd July 2006

1. What number Coronation Street has Charlie bought to do up?

2. What dish did EastEnders’ Kevin cook when Denise and family came for dinner?

3. What did Shadrach give the dying Alice in Emmerdale?

4. How did Home and Away’s Tasha arrive at her wedding?

5. What did Coronation Street’s Hayley and Roy suggest Claire call the baby?


1. Number six. No fitted wardrobes for his two shirts yet.

2. Paella. Bet you my house he can’t spell it. Heck, he could barely say it.

3. A notebook to record her “motherly advice” for Samson. “Get away from the Dingles” – that should be enough.

4. On a boat. Alas, not one that sank.

5. Elliott. Heck, two of them on the Street. I SAY, TWO OF THEM ON THE STREET!

15th July 2006

1. Who was Diggory’s last ever customer at the
bakery/pizza takeaway in Coronation Street?

2. What special occasion was EastEnders’ Fargo’s
celebrating this week?

3. Where were Emmerdale’s Jimmy and Sadie when the
show home came crashing down?

4. What business was Home and Away’s Ric hoping to set
up with a Council grant?

5. How much access will Coronation Street’s Matt have
to Joshua?


1. Charlie. Shelley, Tracy and a pizza in one night.
The lad has a strong stomach.

2. Bastille Day. The miracle was that anyone could
spell it for the flyers.

3. The bathroom. And Jimmy wasn’t there to wash his

4. A car wash. Hmm. With barely more than two cars on
the road every month?

5. Two hours once a month. The boy will be grateful
for anything that gets him away from Fred’s increasing

8th July 2006

1. With whom had Coronation Street’s Tracy left Amy
when Shelley thought the baby was home alone?

2. How much did Ian bid for Dawn’s bracelet in

3. Where did Emmerdale’s Jasmine and Debbie go to try
to sort out their differences?

4. Which ex-Home and Away actor is to play Michael
Hutchence in a filmed version of his life?

5. What did we hear EastEnders’ Sharon has called her
newborn son?


1. Sarah. The words frying pan and fire spring to

2. £150. Roughly the amount of money his chip shop has
made since it opened.

3. The cricket pavilion, of course! When on earth is
someone going to put a lock on that door?

4. Michael Piccirilli, who played James Fraser. I
don’t remember him either.

4. Dennis. Told you. Can’t somebody buy that Watts
family a name book?

1st July 2006

1. What job did the real father of Coronation Street’s
Sean do for a living?

2. How much did EastEnders’ Phil tell Keith he charges
for a crate of champagne?

3. What did Emmerdale’s Donna and Marlon win in a
prize draw?

4. What is the number tattoed on Tasha’s leg in Home
and Away?

5. What music did Coronation Street’s Charlie play
to drown out Amy’s crying?


1. Plumbing. You can never find one when you want one
– fathers or plumbers, come to that.

2. £200. Blimey. I’d stick with Oddbins.

3. A house. In that village, they will doubtless
soon be sharing it with 15 others.

4. 21006 – apparently meaning “The Chosen One”. Just
an excuse to show us her long bare leg, as far as I
could see.

5. The Wheels of the Bus Go Round and Round.
Personally, I’d have preferred the screaming kid.

24th June 2006

1. In which country did Coronation Street’s Brian
claim to be when Sean was conceived?

2. What speciality was EastEnders’ Jane preparing for
Ian’s Albert Square party?

3. In Emmerdale, what Beryl Chugspokes speciality was
greeted with the words “I’d rather eat piggy poo” by

4. How long must Home and Away’s Graham live, in order
to prevent Amanda inheriting his fortune?

5. Why does Coronation Street’s David reckon he is
playing truant?


1. Greece. Quelle surprise. Peas in a pod they ain’t.

2. Swedish meatballs. Living with a man like that, a
girl has to find some way to keep herself occupied.

3. Her croissants. No one would want to touch anything
made by hands that had been near that hairdo.

4. Three months from the day of the marriage. It was a
miracle the man lasted three hours.

5. He reckons he is being bullied. Nothing different
from his home life, then.

17th June 2006

1. Why is Coronation Street’s Rosie planning a six
week break in France?

2. Which flag did EastEnders’ Patrick hang outside his
house in celebration of the World Cup?

3. What turned out to be the matter with Viv’s rabbit
when she took her to the vet?

4. What shocking discovery did Neighbours’ Kim and
Janelle make this week?

5. Which Hollyoaks actor is recovering from a shock he
received after touching an electric fence?


1. To improve her French. Hopefully she means the
language rather than her kissing technique.

2. National flag of Trinidad and Tobago. Are they in
with a chance? Don’t bring out the bunting just yet.

3. She was pregnant. Sadly for Viv and the café,
nowhere near enough babies for a pie.

4. That Bree is not their biological daughter. Not all
bad news, then.

5. Chris Fountain, who plays Justin Burton - as if the
fallout from the affair with Becca were not shock

10th June 2006

1. What speed was Coronation Street’s Ronnie going in a 30 mph speed limit?

2. How much money did EastEnders’ Carla tell Grant that she owed Ray?

3. What did Home and Away’s Josh claim caused Tasha’s illness?

4. With what was Holloyaks’ Becca charged, in the light of her affair with Justin?

5. What two kinds of sandwiches did Coronation Street’s Sean offer his father?


1. 48 mph. A miracle. No one ever gets to do more than 5 along the cobbles.

2. £25,000. Not in a million years will I believe she planned to ditch the gorgeous Grant in his vest.

3. Mushrooms. Yeah, right. Not mush room for anything else in the tent, as he was having his way with her.

4. Breach of position of trust. As opposed to failing to teach anyone else anything all year?

5. Cheese and pickle, and ham. Not mincemeat, then - Danny’s nickname for him at the factory.

3rd June 2006

1. How much did Coronation Street’s Charlie charge Keith for doing his roof?
2. Where were EastEnders’ Sonia and Naomi planning to go on holiday?
3. Which birthday were Hollyoaks’ Sophie and Mel celebrating this week?
4. Who won Sexiest Male at the British Soap Awards?
5. Where is EastEnders’ Grant planning to move with his family?

1. £230. I’d pay double that just to see him in his vest.
2. Rome. My prayers for the Coliseum falling on Naomi came to nothing when the couple separated.
3. 21st. Both 21, going on 10.

4. Coronation Street’s Richard Fleeshman (Craig). Is it me, or are the voters getting younger?
5. Portugal. He’ll be lucky if he survives the plane journey with brat Courtney in tow.

27th May 2006

1. What is Danny’s nickname for Sean in Coronation Street?

2. In which town was EastEnders’ Little Mo planning to run a coffee shop?

3. How much is a Clotted Cream Tea in Emmerdale’s Café?

4. Which Cutting It actress is heading for Walford as manageress of Fargos?

5. On how many counts of theft did Coronation Street’s Kelly plead guilty this week?


1. Mincemeat. Make of it what you will.

2. Barnstaple. Interesting. Managing that pushchair was proving chore enough.

3. £2.70. If you know that, you deserve all the scones you can stuff.

4. The brilliant Sian Reeves. She’ll be better than anything they have on their rotten menu.

5.Five. Alas, none of them relating to stealing someone else’s appointment at the hairdresser’s.

20th May 2006
1. What card did ‘Richard Hillman’ send to the Platts’ in Monday’s Coronation Street?

2. What film did the local vicar order from Billy’s video shop in

3. What did Emmerdale’s Paddy diagnose Jonas with this week?

4. Who has just received a positive pregnancy test in Home And Away?

5. Which soap won the award for best Continuing Drama at the Baftas this month?

1. A Get Well Soon card for David. No chance of mental or physical wellness for Psycho Boy.

2. Seven Nights With Judith And Jane. Beats seven nights
with Pat and Pauline.

3. Navicular disease. Strangely, this made her even more attracted to the vet.

4. Leah. It’s pretty much the only positive thing she’s ever had in her life.

5. EastEnders. Does anyone on the Bafta jury actually have ITV on their

8th April 2006


1. Of which group was Coronation Street’s Kym Marsh a

2. Who enjoyed a surprise party in EastEnders this

3. From whom has Emmerdale’s Edna received a wedding

4. With what was Home and Away’s Corey trying to
poison Irene?

5. What is the name of Hollyoaks’ new salon?  


1. Hear’Say. Here today, gone tomorrow.

2. Sonia. As if she hadn’t had enough surprises for
one year.

3. Grand-daughter Evelyn. Maybe that will be
sufficient incentive for her to buy a new hat at last.

4. Liquid mercury. I can’t help feeling that rat
poison would have been easier.

5. Evissa – where staff outnumber clients by at least
three to one.

1st April 2006
1. Who proposed to whom in Coronation Street this

2. What speciality did EastEnders’ Grant find in
Johnny’s fridge?

3. What was first prize in Emmerdale’s jumble sale

4. What do they call Monday nights in Hollyoaks’ SU

5. What game did Mike sit down to play with Chesney
this week?


1. Jason, to Sarah. Let’s hope whatever medication
he’s on wears off soon.

2. Organic goat’s milk. What a development! Hold the
front page!

3. Thankfully, not a trip to Lauren’s new hairdresser,
but a candlelit dinner.

4. Manic Monday. Pretty much like every other day, to
be honest.

5. Draughts. Will that poor lad ever get any friends
his own age?

25th March 2006

1. Where were Coronation Street’s Ashley and Claire
planning to move to escape Matt?

2. Which three people had birthdays in EastEnders this

3. Whose funeral took place in Emmerdale on Friday?

4. What gift has Hollyoaks’ Justin just bought for

5. Who did Home and Away’s Irene imagine she saw in
her kitchen?


1. Scotland. Fat chance. Ashley can barely follow the
road map for Manchester.

2. Peggy, Yolande and Ben. Expect massive food
poisoning outbreak from Ian’s catering.

3. Katie’s father. Yet another job for Hotten’s
overworked florist.

4. Alas, not a packet of common sense, but a bracelet.

5. Dead Chloe. Why not. Everyone else seems to be

18th March 2006

1. Who was Coronation Street’s Mike missing most when
he came back from Spain?

2. What was EastEnders’ Keith watching on the
television this week?

3. What did Hollyoaks’ Becca buy Jake for his

4. How did Home and Away’s Amanda lure Len Green?

5. What did Coronation Street’s Roy write to convey
his love to Hayley?


1. His hairdresser? What a mess. No, Alma - who has
been dead for years.

2. The Weakest Link. The words pot, kettle and black
spring to mind.

3. A spade. It’ll need more than that to dig her out
of the mess she’s in.

4. She told him she was doing a thesis on inedpendent
mayors. Oh, yes, and paraded her breasts.

5. A poem. Let’s hope he included the rhyme “red
mac/load of cack”.

11th March 2006

1. What is the name of the posh boarding school that
Coronation Street’s Sally wanted to send Rosie?

2. Newcomer Ben in EastEnders has a favourite sport;
what is it?

3. From what phobia does Emmerdale’s Carl suffer?

4. Why did Hollyoaks’ Amy agree to lose her virginity
to Ste on the back seat of a car?

5. What medical treatment have Home and Away’s Leah
and Dan been discussing this week? 


1. Melrose. If she could have got her into Alcatraz,
she would have.

2. Rugby. Let’s hope that with his diminutive form,
glasses and hearing aid, he’s only the mascot.

3. Vertigo. Not to worry. Apart from Turner’s place,
nobody else seems to have any stairs.

   4. Pressure from Michaela. Why can’t anyone ever
manage to do it in a bed in Hollyoaks?

5. IVF. Oh, please, please don’t tell me that we are
going to be subjected to mini Leahs.

4th March 2006
1. Where was the 70s disco that Coronation Street’s
Eileen was planning to go with Ed?

2. In EastEnders, on what date does Honey’s birthday

3. What are Alan and Steph planning for the B & B in

   4. Which patron saint was celebrated in Hollyoaks
this week?

5. Why did Flynn and his sidekick visit Summer Bay


1. Eccles. That woman’s social life just gets better
and better.

2. February 29th. That’s even worse luck than having
Billy as a fiancé.

3. Country Pursuits weekends. Complimentary murder at
the hands of Steph included?

  4. St David, on March 1st. Getting anything Welsh on
TV these days is an achievement.
  5.To talk about the dangers of sunbathing. Yet
another work avoidance day for the country’s laziest

25th February 2006
1. Where did Coronation Street’s Rita visit, with a
view to moving?

2. Where is the restaurant that EastEnders’ Yanis
decided to give to son Nicos?

3. Why was Emmerdale’s Dawn furious with her mother?

4. How did EastEnders’ Kathy die?

5. Why were Jack’s sheep dying in Emmerdale?


1. Sunnydale retirement community. Her hair colour was
the brightest thing about it.

2. Paphos. And Carly chose Weatherfield instead? Get
thee to a shrink.

3. She slept with her ex, Terry. Why not. Any port in
a storm.

4. In a car crash. You see? Even when they leave the
accident-prone Square, they still don’t manage to
learn road safety.

5. Anti-freeze poisoned the water supply. The animal
mortality rate at Jack’s farm beats even the local

18th February 2006

1. What did Coronation Street’s Eileen offer Ed on
Sunday night?

2. In EastEnders, what Valentine’s gifts were selling
like hot cakes on Deano’s stall on Friday?

3. What was next door to the hostel where Emmerdale’s
Debbie refused to spend the night?

4. What names did Hollyoaks’ Frankie suggest if a
Becca has a boy/girl?

5. What made Home and Away’s Flynn start to choke this



1. Herself. When that failed, lamb chops. Wise choice,

2. Silk scarves. Watch out now for the Albert Square
Silk Scarf Strangler.

3. An abbatoir. Surely the smell couldn’t have been
worse than what she’s used to in the Dingle household.

4. Peregrine or Peregrina. Bet you there will be
people registering those before the end of the week.

5. Sally’s incessant wittering? No, some grapes.

11th February 2006

1. What did Coronation Street’s Eileen offer Ed on
Sunday night?

2. In EastEnders, what Valentine’s gifts were selling
like hot cakes on Deano’s stall on Friday?

3. What was next door to the hostel where Emmerdale’s
Debbie refused to spend the night?

4. What names did Hollyoaks’ Frankie suggest if a
Becca has a boy/girl?

5. What made Home and Away’s Flynn start to choke this



1. Herself. When that failed, lamb chops. Wise choice,

2. Silk scarves. Watch out now for the Albert Square
Silk Scarf Strangler.

3. An abbatoir. Surely the smell couldn’t have been
worse than what she’s used to in the Dingle household.

4. Peregrine or Peregrina. Bet you there will be
people registering those before the end of the week.

5. Sally’s incessant wittering? No, some grapes.

4th February 2006

1. Where did Coronation Street’s Sally send Rosie to
get her away from Craig?

2. To which ex-EastEnder star is newcomer Tom Ellis
(Dr Cousins) engaged?

3. In Home and Away, who have been cast as the leads
in Colleen’s play?

4. How much is Emmerdale’s Terence’s debt?

5. What event were Hollyoaks’ Clare and Max
celebrating at their dinner party?


1. The school ski-ing trip. Ski-instructors, miles
from home, and on the Pill. Very wise.

2. Tamsin Outhwaite (who played Mel). Wow! That’s some
way upwards of Ian Beale.

3. Lucas and Matilda. So many plays in the Bay, and
alas, too few acting lessons.

4. £20,000. Alan’s hoping to use the B & B as
collateral. That’s a tenner covered, then.

5. Chinese New Year. Pity Mel couldn’t keep the sake

28th January 2005

1. Who was pronounced dead this week in Neighbours?

2. In which subject has Hollyoaks’ Mark enrolled to be
closer to Jessica?

3. Which Emmerdale star is releasing an album of swing
classics next month?

4. What did Home and Away’s Dani think she had hit
when she mowed down Kane Phillips in 2004?

5. Which actor won ITV’s Soapstar Superstar?


1. David, Lilijana and Serena Bishop. That’s not an
axe: it’s a chainsaw massacre.

2. Architecture. Let’s hope he can draw up plans to
build himself a better personality.

3. Richard Shelton (who plays Dr Adam Forsythe). At
last, someone who has the ability to drown out Steph.

4. A kangaroo. Easy mistake to make, if you ask me.

5. Richard Fleeshman (who plays Craig Harris). Great
result, shame about the show.

21st January 2006

1. What are the names of Sunita and Dev’s babies in
Coronation Street?

2. What present did EastEnders’ Mike give Rosie on

3. How much did Emmerdale’s Terry give Dawn to buy
Scott out?

4. What did Hollyoaks’ Tony and Mandy agree to
christen their baby?

5. Which ex-Coronation star received an MBE in the
Queen’s recent honours list?


1. Aadi and Asha. Blimey. 4 As: that’s excessive use
of one vowel even by Dev’s standards.

2. Antique ear-rings. Why bother when her lobes are
permanently hidden under that hairdo?

3. £50,000. And where, pray, did the dolt from the
Dales get that sort of money?

4. Grace Antonia Helen Hutchinson. Makes a change from
Yet Another Large Breasted Blonde Hollyoaks Babe.

5. Roy Barraclough (who played Alec Gilroy). The only
MBE I want to hear about in Weatherfield is Making Bet

January 14th 2006

1. What is the name of the canine addition to the Barlow household?

2. In EastEnders, how much money was hidden in the Millers' sofa?

3. What did Hollyoaks' Cameron write on his wall?

4. Who is going to represent Home and Away's Jesse in his forthcoming court case?

5 . Who was outed at New Year in Emmerdale?


1. Eccles. One dog amid so many in that place, though.

2. £20,000. Pity they hadn't used it at the DFS sale when they could.

3. "Stop her. Blood. Breathe. Cleanse." If you know that answer, you're as sick as he is.

4. Morag. She has to. It seems she's the only solicitor in Australia.

5. Ivan. You can barely hear yourself speak for the sound of closet doors opening in that village.

December 24th 2005

1. Who delivered his final church service in Coronation Street yesterday?

2. What modelling assignment did EastEnders' Billy find for Honey this week?

3. What did Emmerdale's Belle want for Christmas?

4. Where did Family Affairs' Meredith claim to have gone on holiday?

5. Who caught Leah's garter in Home and Away?


1. Reverend Ashbourne. Hasn't exactly been the most pro-active of vicars, has he?

2. Santa's little helper. Kate Moss, eat your heart out.

3. A bike. Alas, not one big enough to wheel Shadrach out of town.

4. Dubai. Sadly, it wasn't true.

5. Scott. Let's hope he uses it to tie those Rapunzel-type tresses out of his eyes.

December 17th 2005


1. What does Coronation Street's Liz's boyfriend Vernon play in his band?

2. What did EastEnders' Joe buy Ian's twins for their birthday?

3. Of what crime does Emmerdale's Ashley accuse his father of committing?

4. What festive job did Family Affairs' Gary take to raise some cash?

5. Where did Home and Away's Tasha and Robbie go for their special trip, before being turned away?


1. Drums. So would I if I thought they would drown out Liz.

2. A DVD each. Even less imaginative than choosing Pauline for a girlfriend.

3. Murdering his (Ashley's) mother. Presumably neither man can spell euthanasia.

4. Dressing as an elf. At least it got him out of that wretched black leather jacket.

5. The Rainbow Waters Resort. An appropriate place for two drips.

December 10th 2005

1. How much did Coronation Street's Rita pay Audrey for her hairdo on Monday?

2. What is the name of Daz's ferret in Emmerdale?

3. Why was Home and Away's Josie terrified this week?

4. For which society has Hollyoaks' Zara been chasing Lee for money?

5. How much was EastEnders' Chrissy's bail?


1. £18.50. Eh? Just for shoving a wig on top of her head?

2. Spike. Compared to the Dingles' names, that's normal.

3. She spotted Morag in a dark alley? No, she saw a mouse.

4. Animal Rights. Pity she doesn't care as much about her hair.

5. £25,000. She could have hidden the lot down her cleavage and still had room for a multi-storey car park.

December 3rd 2005

1. Which of Ashley's eyes did Nathan damage when he hit him in Coronation Street?

2. Where did EastEnders' Kat and Alfie go to "meet" the Queen?

3. What is the name of the new development planned for the village in Emmerdale?

4. In Hollyoaks, what big celebration took place in the Dog this week?

5. Which ex-Emmerdale star has just released the album Better Days?


1. His left. Just pray he doesn't get to go the same optician as Claire.

2. Madame Tussaud's. Not that anyone would ever be able to tell the difference.

3. King's River Development. Another dead duck in the water, if the holiday village was anything to go by.

4. St Andrew's Day. More hot air in the place, this time from the hideous bagpipes.

5. Amy Nuttall, who played Chloe. Just pray that Corrie's Nikki Sanderson (Candice) doesn't follow suit.

26th November 2005

1. With what item of clothing did Coronation Street's Sarah lure Jason to bed this week?

2. What kind of party did EastEnders' Mo hold on Monday?

3. What was Emmerdale's Lesley's "magic" cure for Simon's illness?

4. What birthday has Hollyoaks' Darlene just celebrated?

5. Why was Family Affairs' Hector annoyed with his housemates on Monday?


1. A Victorian bodice. Why bother? Nothing is ever on her for very long.

2. Lingerie. Thankfully, we were spared any locals modelling it.

3. Chicken soup. A pint at the Woolpack usually does the trick.

4. Her 19th. Sex with Craig was the highlight. Some present.

5. They'd eaten his cereal. Those storylines just get better and better.